TO SHARE: P-A-R-E-N-T-ing BOOKS!

If you were not able to read my article last week at The Manila Times regarding the first parenting book I have ever read, please do read it here first before reading this post.

Okay, have you read it?

Now you may proceed.

I had “How to Win Your Child’s Heart” in December of 2014. That book of Dr. Ruth Chang truly gave me the confidence to deal with my child as a parental authority who has strong convictions and firm beliefs and rules but at the same time very nurturing and loving. Recently, Dr. Chang released a taglish version of what P-A-R-E-N-T means in individual booklets –  Praise, Accept, Respect, Empathise, Nurture and Train.

pile-books

Today I want to share this blessing with you all. I have 4 extra copies of the 6 booklets (1complete set) with me and I want to give them away. How do you get a chance to win them?

Read the “Crystallize you role as a parent (part 1)” article at Manila Times dated September 26, 2016.

Choose a part of the article that struck you and in only 5 sentences, explain to me how it resonated with you.

Copy and paste the lines in bold letters and in quotation marks citing them and then add your insights.

Deadline for answers will be 12mn tomorrow and will announce the winners by the end of the week!

Crystallize your role as a parent (Part 1)

20 thoughts on “TO SHARE: P-A-R-E-N-T-ing BOOKS!

  1. “The chapter on Acceptance taught me to celebrate the uniqueness of my child and acknowledge her strengths. It reminded me that my personal dreams, insecurities and expectations should not hamper nor affect my child’s potential. That I should not impose things or interests on her and instead let her explore the world on her own and simply guide her along the way.”

    — Sending my son to the same grade school as I went to somehow created a bit of high expectations on his teachers and on my part as well. I admit, there are times that I get a little bit disappointed when he doesn’t perform the way I expect him to. In the end, I realize that my Reese is a totally different individual, that God created him not to necessarily follow my footsteps but to grow in his own unique way. And as a parent, the best I can do is to support him in his own interests and dreams and to make sure that I am always here for him as he take his own journey. Yes, we may be different but I know that he will grow up just fine, excelling on his own.

  2. “One thing Dr. Chang wants us to remember is to always explain to our children why we had to discipline them, as well as give words of reassurance of our unconditional love for them.” My 5-year old is currently in the WHY phase, and I sometimes run out of patience trying to explain things. Your article reminded me to be more mindful of my reactions, especially when I am reprimanding her and she asks why. I always tell her that I did not like what she did, and that I love her just the same. 🙂

  3. Parents, be mindful of what you say and do because your children will become who you are today.

    As we are far from being perfect and part of what our children will be in the future comes from the influence of who we are as individuals. How we treat our kids will be a direct reflection of how we raised them. As a mother of two kids,I really need to be mindful of my words and actions , to practice what I preach and this is one of the most difficult part of being a parent, to correct and examine ourselves as sometimes we are being defensive. With the responsibility of being the role model of my children, I need to reexamine my values all the time, by constant learning and also look for positive role models that I can emulate. We, parents should be kind to ourselves all the time and should be positive as this will radiate to our children.

  4. “The nature of being a parent is in being a nurturer.”

    This really struck my heart since I’m a single parent, trying to be brave in front of my daughter, trying my best to give her everything to make her happy, and give her all my time in the world without compromising other things like work. Despite of being a single parent, I never saw it as a burden but as a challenge from the Lord and at the same time this is His way of showing that He trusts me and I trust Him. He is so faithful to me because He brought out the best in me when I was in my darkest days of being a single parent and at the same time doing my school. Most of the times, I cry my heart out to the Lord asking for help and He answers me thru other people, whenever they comment how good and God-fearing my daughter is. And this is all because of the Lord, I cannot nurture my daughter if God didn’t poured His love, faithfulness, grace and mercy to me.

  5. “To be a parent is to accept our children as unique individuals with unique gifts from God.”

    Last August is my child’s card giving day. I didn’t expect him to be a part of his class’ list of outsanding students because he has classmates who takes Kumon and other tutoring class, but he made it. I prefer to be the one to teach him everytime he has exams and homeworks because aside from the fact that I will spend more time with him, I want to be more hands on to him since his dad works abroad. I was really happy when his teacher congratulated me and told me that my son made it to the 1st quarter list of outstanding students. He was a blue awardee (2nd honor). Through this, I learned that my son has his own way of learning. I was hesitant at first that he will be on honor roll because when we were reviewing, we always fight because he doesn’t want to listen. I also learned that even if he is still a kid, I have to trust and support him wholeheartedly. From this day on, I promise to be more patient with him especially during the days of his life when all he need is his mom. ❤️

  6. “The nature of being a parent is in being a nurturer.”

    We can sometimes be caught up in the web of parenting dos and don’ts, strategies, styles and even techniques in raising our children that we may lose sight of that which is most important. This particular point you raised is a timely reminder to me of the heart of parenting. To nurture my children is to love them and care for them and to encourage their growth so that they will reach their full potential. The goal is not to push them to perfection but to ensure their progress and development by providing them with a healthy venue to learn and be excellent, to become better and better every time. It is said that once growth stops, decay begins and what a joy to be in that position to speak and bring life in the lives of my children by being a nurting parent to them.

  7. “Finally, to become an effective parent, we must be good models.”

    I guess, it is easy to teach our children what to do instead of showing it to them. We set our rules but sometimes we tend to have an exemptions, and that is excusing ourselves for not following it. As a result, our children get confused specially if parents are arguing already about it. I’m a mother of two but most of the times its my husband who is not following our rules. Its hard to explain to them whenever they asked me why their daddy is always exempted.

  8. “CHILDREN NEED THEIR DOSE OF PRAISE OR WORDS OF AFFIRMATION THAT THEY ARE LOVED EVEN THOUGH THEY MAKE MISTAKES;” Thank you very much for your articles and for this part that will keep reminds me that even though they are my children, they still need dose of praises or words of affirmation that they are loved even though they make mistakes which just like us as an adult or parents needed too to hear from our loved ones. I will practice this because I sometimes forget and sometimes we overlooked things like this everyday. Everyone needs praises and this praises will give a strong impact on our children’s lives. And this is very, very important. Again, thank you! More power & God bless you, Gummy & your family.

  9. “Instruction is an ongoing process of helping a child do what is right.”

    Its a never ending role of a parent to their child to be their first teacher. Giving instructions at a very early age is no difference in giving it out to toddler or teens. It is HOW we say it and not what we say that helps them to fully understand the wisdom we want to impart. It is a process that has to be done in a manner that you respect their thoughts and considering their feelings. You will never go wrong giving them instructions in a calmly manner.

  10. “Children need their dose of praise or words of affirmation that they are loved even though they make mistakes” This line is exactly what I want to do when I get to have my own child(ren). I grew up with strict parents and when I was a child, commiting a mistake made me shiver because that means I have go through those rods, belt buckets, slippers or whatever solid object my father could get a hand on and then will leave words unfit for a child. Not that I don’t love my parents but physical discipline is not what I envision my future children undergoing through because I would want them to live a happy childhood. I’d like them to recall having a positive and happy environment at home even if the world outside of it is chaotic. Mostly, I would want to instill in their hearts and in their minds that making a mistake is not equivalent to failure, but is, instead a step to becoming successful in all aspects of life.

  11. “IT IS TO SHOW CARE FOR THEM BY MAKING TIME TO BE WITH THEM, DOING ART EVEN IF IT IS MESSY FOR YOU, PLAYING WITH THEM WITH YOUR PHONE AWAY BECAUSE IT WILL BE AN INTERRUPTION OF YOUR PRECIOUS PLAYTIME…”

    I just gave birth last month to my second child making me obsessed with breastfeeding because I was not that successful with my firstborn. Most of the time during my maternity leave, I’m holding my cellphone to research about breastfeeding–the gadgets that will help me be successful with it this time, classes and support group meetings to attend to, etc. Upon reading your article, it pained me realizing that I’ve lost focus in this journey of parenthood. Yes, breastfeeding may be a good start to show love and care to my children but I thought, I should give more time interacting with them, especially with my firstborn who is at the stage of intensive learning and development (20 mos. old). Thank you, Bettina for being God’s instrument to make me realize this plight. I may not win your contest (I still hope I do ) but I now feel triumphant because I knew my mistake and could remedy it early through God’s guidance. God bless.

  12. “I was reminded to make my instruction age-appropriate, and to extend my patience even more as my child will not completely comprehend things the first time it is told to her.” This resonated with me because there are times that I lose my patience with my kids which makes them feel mbad and truly breaks my heart as well. I will tell myself that I will strive to be better but I fall short and sometimes it can be discouraging to face my imperfections. I want to be an intentional parent and I believe I cannot do that without Jesus in me. I also believe these books will serve as my guide in my parenting with my kids just like you do.

  13. “CHILDREN NEED THEIR DOSE OF PRAISE OR WORDS OF AFFIRMATION THAT THEY ARE LOVED EVEN THOUGH THEY MAKE MISTAKES” – One time while me and my son was playing a “temple run” kind of game, I got upset that he missed a certain goal of the game and he saw that I was not happy then suddenly my son said “it’s okay mama, everyone makes mistake. Let’s try again later” I dont know how to react but at an early age of 4, I knew I have raised a good and smart boy .

  14. “It is about talking to them about how their day went, their dreams last night and their plans for the weekend; by speaking to them words that bring life and build them up. It is by touching them, caressing and embracing them – “physicalizing” your love for them.” As a mother of two kids, this is something that I always include in my prayers. That I may always remember to ask my eldest how her day went. That I may always have the energy to get down on the floor and play with them. Being a mom can sometimes be physically exhausting but seeing them smile and hearing their stories are enough to make all the tiredness go away. I am always eager to learn about how I can improve for my daughters, always hoping to be the best mama for them.

  15. “Parents be mindful of what you say and do because your children will become who you are today” these words strucked me so much..I am so afraid to make mistakes or show my child wrong doings, coz I believe what we have taught them is what they would learn & resonate in them the future. I believe with a good attitude, God’s wisdom and guidance I’d be in good shape to properly nurture my child. These books would really help a lot in my parenting goals.

  16. I’ve just realize that saying praise and words of affirmation for my kids are important. There are times that my kids doesn’t have a good grades, it’s fine with me. What more impotant to me is that they are learning more in the school of life. Sometimes they are really good in school, and I really forget to praise them for the excellence that they have done. And even in church, I know that praise or word of affirmation can help them boost their self confidence.
    “Children need their dose of praise or words of affirmation that they are loved even though they make mistakes; that you recognize their efforts even if their first love letter to you is made of zigzag lines. This chapter humbled me and tamed the perfectionist in me.”
    This is really important for our children to know that they are really deeply appreciated by us parents. So that their self confidence would be develop and that they would know that whatever others would say against them, we are always be on there side. To help them and boost their confidence.

  17. “…MY PERSONAL DREAMS, INSECURITIES AND EXPECTATIONS SHOULD NOT HAMPER NOR AFFECT MY CHILD’S POTENTIAL. THAT I SHOULD NOT IMPOSE THINGS OR INTERESTS ON HER AND INSTEAD LET HER EXPLORE THE WORLD ON HER OWN AND SIMPLY GUIDE HER ALONG THE WAY.”

    As a parent, sometimes I find myself anxious whenever I see my daughter shy, clingy, and too cautious on certain situations. Honestly, I don’t want her to be like that because I don’t want her to experience the same things that I went through as a child and even as a teenager just because I was less confident, too shy, and scared on many things. I want her to be confident, “bibo”, and exposed in order for her potential to be fully developed, and not regret when she gets older. In short, I don’t want her to be the extension of my past character. (I have already overcome those negative character by God’s grace)
    But I guess it is a wrong mindset. As stewards of our children, our goal is just to partner with the Lord in parenting them in order for our little ones to be the kind of individuals THAT THE LORD WANTS THEM TO BE. We may not see eye to eye with them at times, but as parents, we must accept them, respect them and their choices, guide them, as well as encourage them that they may not go astray as much as possible as they journey to independence, maturity, and fruitfulness. Just like us, our children are unique, special, fearfully and wonderfully made by God, and they are not, and will never be our second chances.

  18. “Respect must be taught to children, regardless of how young you think they are, to be the basic component of any relationship; and that the amount of respect is not dictated by age. Not because a child is a child the amount of respect for them is littler than that you would have for an elder.”

    This resonated with me because recently my 1 year & 1 month old son is having serious tantrums most of the time. He even kicked his tita’s face just because he didn’t like her kissing him. I felt really bad & asked myself what should i do? I don’t know what kind of discipline should i gave him since he can’t still talk and answer me back. I realized upon reading this, i should start teaching him how to respect even at this very young age.

    Ps. I cant bold the letters because im just using my phone

  19. “The most effective way to teach respect is by showing it —not only by using “po” and “opo” but also by recognizing their feelings even though the behavior that manifested it was inappropriate. And if you think that comparing your child with his/her friends will motivate them, no it does not. You are actually harnessing feelings of insecurity at a very young age.” = I am more of an authoritarian parent than a subtle one because my mum was, clearly. And I admit i haven’t been that sensitive when it comes to my children’s feelings because I wanted them to just simply obey me. But what I clearly forget, is that I also have to show them that I acknowledge and respect their feelings even if the behavior from where it came from is inappropriate, and subtly explain things to be them in the language they can understand. For a change I think I will be more careful with words and NEVER again will I compare them with others (though it’s tempting). As the elders have said, respect begets respect.

  20. “…show care for them by making time to be with them.” As a mom of a toddler, it is important for me to create quality time with my daughter because I feel that time passes by so quickly, she grows up so fast that i want to cherish every moment with her. Yes, I fail at times, because as a first-time, stay-at-home mom I’m still learning (and struggling!) everyday on how to raise a child. Making time for her and to be with her means less time for myself (even no time for myself) but I’m totally ok with it. Because at the end of the day, I want her to feel important and loved, and that I’m always available for her.

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